Posts Tagged ‘Being’

The staff meeting went well (: Even though there was some guy on his cell phone….but it’s whatever. It’s not quite as bad as the time I had a college interviewer on his phone during my interview. That was pretty awful. But to be honest, I enjoyed it. I love presenting, and feel as if I’m in my element when I’m teaching others. It’s definitely something I want to continue with when I go to college and wherever else beyond that.

Another thing- I’ve realized that I kind of dump my random thoughts into this blog, even if they don’t relate to P4P. I thought a thought today, so I’m going to share it. And it really, like the other thoughts I’ve shared, it has almost nothing to do with this fundraiser. But this was an intriguing thought, not an everyday-black-and-white-thought, so I figured I’d write about it.

I was sitting in a classroom on a desk, staring into the face of another kid sitting opposite me. I’m not quite sure why we were staring at each other, but we were. And I thought, “If I didn’t know I was me, then I could be her reflection and really not be me at all- but really be her. And I would never know it, because I’m her reflection.” And in that moment- that split second that I thought that- I was her. I thought like her, I moved like her, I honestly believed for a slight moment that I was her. It was unnerving, and I told them that- voiced my thoughts about being her reflection- and they laughed and told me to stop being weird, that I was just being “Kristina.” Like “being Kristina” was a verb of some sort, and not a very good one.

But it isn’t the first time that’s happened. That was more realistic because I was staring her right in the face, but it happens quite frequently on smaller scales. I’ll feel as if I’m someone else, and very rarely feel myself to be me. I’ll sit and take a graduation picture, and suddenly I’m my sister, two years before. I’ll sit in a desk in English class and I’m someone else; I walk through the halls and I’m yet again a different person. It’s almost as if I am a dress-up box and every day, my body decides who to be; and very rarely do I feel that it’s my own, singular self.

Is that weird? That I have problems identifying with my true self? Or is my true self an amalgam of other selves, and I have yet to realize it? Or is my purpose simply that, to be a reflection of everyone else in the world, and everyone else is a reflection of me? It was just an odd sensation, something I thought I might share. Probably a skew in perception, and nothing more, but. I found it to be intriguing (:


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